mushinnoshin

…My soul is yearning.

One of the primary teachings of Buddhism is that the root of all suffering is desire and attachment. I am currently in a place where I desparately need to remember and apply this teaching. My soul quakes with a desire the likes of which it hasn’t felt in years; this desire goes unfulfilled for reasons I don’t comprehend, and attachment — to the desire, as well as to the need to comprehend the obstacle — is leading as it always does to a heart and head full of suffering.

But none of that is the point. The point is music time. I bring up both the teachings and the sufferings because they happen to coincide well with the song I’m posting:

Man Made Hell

This was the flagship song of the Acid Fist X days, our standard show closer. Of all the pieces I’ve written or recordings of which I’ve been part, this is probably the one of which I’m most proud. This was one of which the whole band could be proud, it was a true collaboration; everyone brought their part to the table and it all came together beautifully. And though we weren’t necessarily going for “Gothic Buddhist Anthem” or even suspected at the time such a thing would make sense — well here we are.

Addedndum: OMFG. I’ve been listening to that ending over and over. I think the whole song is good but to me it’s all about the ending, the last just-about-exactly-one-minute, that last chorus and especially the controlled chaos that errupts on the second round. The raw emotion that surges through me when I hear it, I wish I could impart it. The song is but a meager attempt to do so.

I wish at least the recording were cleaner, there are things going on that ring out clear to me but that I fear others might not hear, getting lost instead in the distortion. Just details, like the way some of my clank & scream samples play off Jim’s guitar harmonics and Pogo’s cavernous bellow, the interplay between the unflinchingly rigid insistance of the drum machine & the tribal fury of Mark’s human drumming, or the way the horns sneak in to provide a foundation — oh those horns alone — to me they connect this crazy music the kids are making to more ancient traditions, pointing out just how much older Hell is than any impermanent emo nonsense these 5 punks were gong through — oh shit shit shit shit shit.

I swear if it’s possible for the ears to orgasm, I do so every time I hear it.